And just like that ya boy is twenty-one. I simply cannot believe it. Just the other day I was a nineteen-year-old kid walking around New York and the day before that I was in high school and the day before that I was a little kid who was too scared to walk to school by himself. I’ve learned and lived so much in those couple of days. I’ve been through my highest of highs and my lowest of lows. I’ve found myself, lost myself, and repeated the cycle ten times over. Here I am now writing this piece as a legal adult. Don’t get me wrong, twenty-one is not old at all, I’m still a kid, I’ll always be a kid at heart. But I can’t lie, it feels good to be growing into adulthood, into a man. I’m entering the next chapter in my life. It’s scary as fuck, but good, nonetheless.
These past couple of days (actual days), I’ve been down and out fighting myself. I have a bad tendency of losing sight of the bigger picture and my purpose in life. I can’t help it. I want everything. That’s my problem. I want to be a part of everything. And I get upset when I can’t have everything, I see college kids all around me. I hear about parties and clubs and fun thoughtless shit, and I want to be there. I see pretty girls everywhere I go. So many pretty girls and I want every single one of them, but I can’t. It’s hard not to get caught up in what’s around me. My past years have taught me that when I get caught up in the small picture mindset, I usually start to feel empty or lonely.
It’s my goals and desires for my life that keep me going. It’s my vision of who I see myself as being, that brings me peace. I have an idea of who I want to be, and I am making steps now to get to that point. That’s all I want at the end of the day. Sometimes I have to tell myself that if I were to die tomorrow, would I still be upset about everything that I don’t have? Or would I instead cherish everything that I do have? It’s always the latter.
This year, my life has changed in a lot of ways. At the beginning of the year, I was in a dorm back home wishing every day that I was doing something fulfilling. That’s all I wanted. I felt stuck. I felt like I had a purpose that wasn’t being fulfilled. Flash forward a couple of months and I got a job in Nebraska doing quite literally everything that I love. And to think that the only reason I heard about this job was from my mom who saw a hiring ad on an Instagram story…
I’ve gotten heavy on spirituality. I think everything in our universe is connected. We are all connected with everybody and everything around us. Our minds are connected with the universe. And after this year, nobody can tell me that manifestation isn’t real. At this point, I wholeheartedly believe that our thoughts and actions have the power to create reality. For good and bad.
Old age is turning me into a hippie, I guess. Hopefully one day I go full out and buy a van and travel the coasts with myself, the love of my life, and my skateboard. I am very much okay with that.
Anyway, I’m excited for the official next chapter of my life. I have big dreams and a lot of work ahead of me, but I don’t want to rush it. In a couple of days, I’m going to be twenty-five, and then a couple days after I’m going to be thirty. And just like that I will have lived my life to old age, ready for whatever happens next. Life is a beautiful thing. I’m thankful for every single moment, both good and bad. Even on my worst days, I’m still here, still living, still being me.
