Please Yourself
I was a heavy people pleaser growing up. I was the type of kid who would never say no to anything because I didn’t want to have to deal with conflict of any type. If one of my friends wanted to do something, I would always say yes, no matter how much I wanted to say no. In general, I was a people pleaser not because I wanted to keep others happy, but because I didn’t want to rock the boat and have people think about me in a “negative” way.
Truthfully, many of my actions and behaviors growing up were based on other people’s thoughts and opinions of me. I wanted to have a perfect image where everybody liked me. I write this now, and it seems so ridiculous to me, but it’s how I conducted myself. That was easier to do when I followed what others wanted instead of what I wanted. This resulted in a mindset of being scared to stand up for myself, make my own decisions, and live life for my happiness.
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It’s hard to go from chasing everybody’s approval to not caring about what anybody thinks. Truthfully, I am writing this as a kind of manifestation piece because I still get caught up in what other people may or may not be thinking about me. I feel like I am at the point now where I really only care about the opinions of those who are close to me, and even then, I still have to remind myself that their opinions don’t really matter either (except my mommas).
You Don't Matter.
While this seems harsh, I mean that you don’t matter to most people. The things that you do, the moves that you make, the person that you are, doesn’t matter. As I have gotten older and my eyes have opened to the real world, this fact of life has become very apparent. Nobody, besides family and a few close friends, are truly invested in your life. Nobody cares about how you are living, what you are doing or the things you are dreaming of. You know this is true. So why do you have to make everybody like you?
“Can’t Please Everybody,” by Kota The Friend. This song perfectly talks about living life for you and nobody else. Click on this.
Hate is Just Noise
Let me reiterate. Nobody REALLY cares about your mistakes. Nobody REALLY cares about your accomplishments. Nobody REALLY remembers what you did two years ago. Nobody REALLY remembers what you did yesterday.
Everybody is more focused on themselves and of their lives than they are of yours. It’s a fact. Think about yourself. Do you spend the majority of your time thinking/judging other people, or do you think about yourself and/or how other people are perceiving you? I guarantee that it is the latter for you. And do you think you are the anomaly? No. Everybody does this.
And if somebody does have something to say about the way that you live, then they are most likely projecting their own insecurities onto you. And if not that, then it’s simply because they have nothing better to do with their lives than to try and put others down. Somebody is always going to have something to say, regardless of what you do. It’s just noise.
Whether it’s your family critiquing the choices and directions that you are making in your life, society telling you to be/act a certain way, or people praying on your downfall, none of it has power over you. Your life is your life, nobody else’s. The choices you make in your life are yours to make, and not anybody else’s (except God but that’s a whole different topic). Your life is in your hands and your hands only. Has it sunk in yet?
Look, you could save the world three times and there will still be people out there saying how you won’t be able to do it a fourth. People are always going to have something to say about the way in which you live your life. I don’t know one person dead or alive who hasn’t had people hate on them. Even Jesus had haters, and all he wanted to do was help people.
Live Your Truth
So with all of this mind, stop worrying about what other people think about you. Stop letting other people dictate how you live your life. I use to exhaust myself from constantly doing things for other people instead of for myself, out of fear of being judged and ridiculed behind my back. Fuck that, who cares? I have finally begun to let go of the idea that everybody has to approve of me, and started to live life for myself. I do things that I want to do, and stopped doing things that I don’t. And let me tell you, life has become liberating.
