I woke up this morning unsure about the day, unsure about myself. That usually how it goes. I decided to get up and do some schoolwork outside. It’s a windy, cloudy day out here in Lincoln. I’m still new to the Midwest and the thought of a twister scares the hell out of me. As I was listening to a podcast from the New Yorker, I would stare into the sky, looking at the clouds swiftly moving across the horizon. At some points, the clouds would break, and the Sun would come out, rays shining directly at my face. The feeling of warmth from the Sun is something that I believe to be a cure all type of thing. It feels so good. Right now, the clouds have rolled in for more, only these are thick dark clouds, and they are not moving as quickly. I don’t think the Sun is going to come back anytime soon, so I’m glad that I cherished the moments in which I was able to feel its warmth.
As I sit here on this balcony, writing whatever thoughts come into my mind, I feel in tune. I do need some food, but that’s the only thing worrying me right now. The podcast that I was listening to be a reading of a story, I don’t remember the title or the author, I’ll find it later. But one part of the otherwise boring listen was a point made by one the characters.
To give some context, a woman is trying to get intertwined with a married man. In attempt to justify the situation, she asks, “what would happen if an earthquake happened, and the world ended tomorrow?” The purpose was trying to get the man to live a little, do more, worry less. She was right, even if her motives were a little suspect. We could really lose everything tomorrow. We have no idea about tomorrow because tomorrow is never guaranteed. If we knew that tomorrow was not going to happen, how would we spend our last days?
I bet we would try to do everything that we wished we could do. Some might go on a trip to a place that they’ve always wanted to visit. Some might finally talk to the person they’ve been too scared to talk to. A lot of people might finally try out that hairstyle, hobby, or anything else that we wouldn’t have done if not for the knowledge of the inevitable.
I think about this all the time, I probably write about it too much too, but damn it’s so important to understand. We are all going to be gone at some point. That that some point could be anytime. Live your life now with the knowledge, the perspective, and the understanding that all of this will be here one day and gone the next. Do what you want to do, now.
Live the life that you have envisioned in your head, now. Other people are going to have things to say, they might judge you or tell you that you changed. You did more than just change. You grew because you lived. That’s my goal each and every single day here on this beautiful Earth, to grow. Admittedly, I still struggle with some things. I have this knowledge and understanding, but I still hesitate and second guess my intuition. But I understand that it’s not going to take a day. It’s going to take consecutive days and constant awareness to live life in this way.
My last thing I want to say is that we a lot of us live in a culture that directly counters this understanding. People expect you to be into certain things or behave a certain way, because “you should.” You are raised with certain beliefs and values that dictate how you think. It’s literally instilled in you from birth, meaning that is very difficult to change. But you can.
I’m learning to let go of everything except what I want to attach to. Family, friends, my vision for myself, and gratitude for this life of mine. Everything else will come when it’s meant to be, and nothing else is going to cause me stress or worry.
