Ride the Wave
For myself, and I’m sure many of you reading this, confidence comes in waves. Some days, you feel like you are invincible. You walk around with a clean outfit, chain shining, watch on tight. You give everybody a look straight in their eyes as you walk past them, letting them know of your presence. You hop in your car, roll all four windows down, and blast that stereo as high as it goes, ’cause’ people are going to know that you’re on the road today.
Then you have the days where you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror. And when you do, all you see is everything “wrong” with you. You scroll on Instagram and see everybody else flexing their lives, trying to seem like they are the hottest shit out since sliced bread; and you get down on yourself because you don’t have that nice car or model girl sitting next to you.
Emotions in general come in waves. Life comes in waves. What do you do with waves? You ride them out. Feel the emotions; really take in and note how you are feeling. I grew up thinking that I had to conceal my emotions at all times. Whether it was because of my family, or friends, or just society in general, I had the notion that feelings equated to weakness. Whenever I would feel insecure or low on confidence, I would try as hard as I could to ignore those feelings and pretend like they weren’t there. On the outside, I may have looked cool and collected. The reality is that I felt the opposite.
Allow those emotions to enter, flow through your body, and then release, like a wave, as soon as you feel them. If you are feeling insecure, sit down and just feel that. Ask yourself why you are feeling insecure. Face the insecurity. And then move on. When you bury your problems deep within yourself, you aren’t facing those emotions. Subsequently, you won’t ever heal and move on from those emotions. And eventually, all of those bottled up emotions are going to burst forward, and ALL of the feelings are going to come out at once.
*Note: this applies to all emotions, not just confidence.
Noah's Arc
Immediately upon writing this piece, I think about one of my favorite author/singer/dancer/exotic olive oil tasters, Action Bronson. Let me say first that I do not have idols. I think idolizing another human being is a bad habit. Nobody is better than anybody else, just like nobody is worse than anybody else. Rather than wishing or looking up to others, I think you should idolize yourself first and put yourself up on the pedestal, rather than another somebody else (under God).
So, with all that “wisdom” shared, I absolutely idolize the fuck out of Action Bronson. Bronson is hands down one of the realest, most authentic human beings on this planet, famous or not. He has been through it all: the good, bad and the ugly. And believe that growing up in Queens, Baklava has seen an immense variety of people, cultures, and situations. The result of struggle plus experience is an ultimate confidence and reliance on himself. I mean, this guy has an aura of confidence and it’s because he knows himself inside and out. He knows exactly what he’s capable of. He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. And he lives life according to what he wants to do, a concept that I believe to be one of the most important in finding peace of mind.
*One of my favorite Action Bronson bars is, “my jump shot got an arc like Noah’s.” What more needs to be said?
That unwavering confidence that I’m talking about, that Action Bronson has, happens when you believe in yourself, with every fiber of your being. Confidence does not come from complements. Confidence does not come from getting money. Confidence does not come from superficial shit. Sure, those things may boost your ego temporarily, but what happens when the complements don’t come, the money slows up, and the cars/clothes become outdated (word to J Cole)? The only thing that won’t ever slow up or change is yourself.
You are worth so much more than any material item, don’t compare your worth to anything but yourself. Accept you for who you are and all that you have experienced. Self-love is the basis of confidence. Self-love tells you that it doesn’t matter what life throws at you; you’ll handle it and enjoy it because you get to go through it with yourself. Self-love will get you through the toughest days because at the end of that day, you are still you, and still have you.
Choose Your Circle
Finding confidence from within is easier said than done, especially if you don’t have confidence to begin with. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t love myself all the time. Some days are just some days, you get me? What I find that has helped me to consistently find confidence, even when it may not be coming from within is to surround myself around confidence.
I try to put myself around confident people. I read books written by confident people. I watch videos and listen to music made by confident people. I try to create a bubble of confidence around myself. Over time, just like practicing anything else, confidence becomes a habit. Over time, that bubble will become harder and harder to pop, and instead becomes an aura.
Back to Action… Listening to his music and watching him brings out the confidence that’s already in me. It’s not fake confidence. Again, it’s the confidence that I already have, but just can’t always tap into. But believe that when I hear Bronson rapping about closing million dollar deals while he’s shitting, I feel pretty good. With that said, everybody has confidence within them already. You have all the confidence you will ever need. You just have to find ways to bring out that confidence.
Confidence, confidence, confidence. How many times can I say one word in a blog?
Confidence vs. delusion vs. conceit
There’s some very important distinctions when it comes to confidence vs false confidence. There’s true confidence, which is what I have been talking about. Then there is conceitedness, which comes from a place of pride; when people think they are worth more than. I’ll take this to the grave: nobody is a superior human just like nobody is inferior, either. People may be better at different things, or may be in a better position in life, but at the end of the day we are all just the same species of animal living on the same planet. It’s important to be confident, but remain humble.
And finally, there is delusion. A lot of delusional people mistake delusion for confidence. It’s the same as being in-authentic, but more so about what they are capable of and what they aren’t capable of. Growing up, there was this super annoying kid who swore on his life that he was going to the NBA. He didn’t give a fuck about school because he thought he wasn’t going to need it. I can’t make this up. It’s almost laughable at how unshakable he was in his belief that he was league bound. There was nothing you could tell this kid either, unless it was that he was the second coming of Jordan. He didn’t make the freshman team, didn’t even come close honestly.
Look, if you think you have no weaknesses, then you clearly have a weakness. You’re delusional. I’m all for dreaming. In all reality, you have to be delusional to really put yourself out there and go after what you want. But that’s not confidence, because it’s not coming from a genuine place within. You have to know what you can and can’t do as a person. That way you can evaluate yourself and work on what you need to work on.
The goal is to have a whole lot of confidence, a whole lot of humbleness, no conceitedness, and some slight delusion to keep the dream alive. I’d say that is a solid recipe for getting what you want in this precious life we have.
The perfect example of Action being Action. Nobody is shaking this dude. I’m trying to be like this guy, for real.
