I have been wrestling with the contradicting ideas of taking control of my life or giving up control and instead leaving it to the Most High. Is my life in my hands or in God’s? Do I grab on tight and pick myself up by my bootstraps or do I give up and let go? Depending on how I phrase it, both sound like they could be the true way.
I am an adult now, my life is on me. Nobody is here to tell me what to do anymore. My dreams, my desires, my goals, the life that I see for myself depends on nobody else by myself. That makes sense. That is true.
My thoughts, my decisions, the work that I put in day in and day out, the people that I surround yourself with, all have very real consequences. If I want a life that is worth living, I need to realize that no regular person, no situation, no event is going to do it for me. I have to act. I have to do it for myself.
But already, it seems as if I am losing sight of God. God is real. I guess this piece isn’t for those who don’t believe, but if there is one thing that I know with my entire being, it’s that God is real. I say this with such confidence because, among many other things, something has been placing me in positions in my life too carefully to be an accident. Things in my life have just, happened. I can’t explain it in a more logical way. It’s not logical. Something hears me, something has guided me in my life. Something has put me here.
God has guided my life. I would be a fool to take the credit for how my life has turned out. I couldn’t have put this together if I tried. I would be even more foolish to not allow God to keep guiding my life.
Wait a minute? Didn’t I just say that you have to do it for yourself? Yes. And no. And we are back at square one. But maybe not. To be honest, I feel as though I have an answer now, and all of that above were the questions that I was wrestling with to get to where I am about to go. I am sure many who are reading this have the same questions. This is my best answer, and probably and answer that will change as I get older.
One of my favorite verses in the bible is from Luke 9:23, and I think this verse can help us in understanding this issue. The verse reads, “Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'”
What does this mean? Well, in the context of the chapter and in Jesus’ teachings as a whole, he is saying that if you want to live your life for God, if you want to put your complete trust and faith in God and his plans, then you must rid yourself of your pleasures and desires, and instead be disciplined to following God’s will.
At first, this seems like it is totally contradictory to the first point I made of making a life for yourself, through your work and your work alone. But the way I see it, you can do both. In fact, these two concepts should be complementary to each other.
Your work, aka your daily denying of yourself, of your desires and your constant picking up of your cross should be in alignment with God’s will for you. Although I can’t be certain of this, right now I believe that God does have a holistic will for us a human beings, while also having a will for us as individuals. We are all very unique in our talents, abilities, personalities, and capabilities. I believe that God’s holistic will for us to love one another and love God, spreading his kingdom, and we do that by utilizing out special traits.
A doctor spreads God’s will by saving lives in the operating room. A baseball player spreads God’s will by entertaining people. A construction worker spreads God’s will by building things for others to use. God knows all of us, and he created all of us with intention. He knows how we as individuals can best carry out his will.
So with all of this in mind, our job as humans is to work hard everyday, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and do something with our lives with the complete trust that whatever we are doing is going to spread God’s will.
The misconception that I had of Luke 9:23 is that when it refers denying ourselves, it means that we shouldn’t do anything or be anything. I don’t think that is true. What denying yourself really means is denying yourself of your selfish desires, your chase of glory, your ambition for money or fame or accomplishments. But this does not mean that we shouldn’t strive with everything we have to find our way to carrying out God’s will. Like I said earlier, God made us unique for a reason. He gave us talents and passions for a reason. We have to trust that the talents that we do have are by God’s design.
Just because you want to follow God’s will whole-heartedly doesn’t mean you have to stop being an athlete or artist or an accountant. What if God gave you those passions for a reason?
Too often, I put so much pressure on myself to be who I want to be, to do the right things, by myself. I lose my Faith in God. I get frustrated and hopeless when things don’t work out how I wanted them to. I tighten my grip even further. I get more lost in my need for control.
I think that the best way to live a peaceful life is to let go of that control and to put it in God’s hands. The ultimate truth is that none of this life stuff matters. We are all going to be gone sooner than any of us realize. The money that we spend our whole lives trying to make, the success or fame or places that we visit, all of these desires that we so desperately want are going to be gone and forgotten, just like us. Our life on Earth is short compared to the eternity that will be spent where we really belong. So why are we trying so hard to control and chase things of this life?
This can also be dangerous if not properly integrated in the grand schematics.
This is not black or white. This is not one or the other. You have to do both. You have to understand when to take control and when to let go and WHY you are doing both.
Let’s have a hard conversation. Your life is on you. Your day to day is on you. Your attitude towards yourself and others is on you. The progress or lackthereof is on you. No human being on this planet right now is going to save you. You aren’t going to just wake up one day and have your life transformed out of nowhere. You need to be disciplined about everything in your life, not just parts.
You need to make sacrifices in the pursuit of your goals; the time that you have needs to spend on things that are going to ultimately get you where you need to be. And as mentioned above, that people that you choose to spend your time with need to be people who have the same goals as you.
An immature person believes that they aren’t responsible for their lives. That can be true for a person who believes in God or not. A mature person knows that they are responsible for their life. They also know that they are not really calling the shots. God is. And their job is to listen to the Man, and do what He says.
it’s going to take a good deal of effort, rather than just a passive mindset. It sounds contradictory, that letting go takes effort. It’s going to take constant reflection, reminders, and practice. Maybe I am wrong and that is why it’s so hard for me. I guess I can come back with an update soon. If you know anything about this, please let me know, I’ll take all the help that I can get.